Story: I believe a braindead-buttfucking-Tim Burton fan with sharpie markers for stilts walking on a sheet of paper could have done a better job at crafting a story than "Ryan the Great" could ever have. It seems like "Ryan the Genius" wrote a sentence for his writing class and looked at it and said, "Wow that sounds like a great idea for a movie." when in actuality the sentence involved a cow jumping over Evel Knievel jumping over a mile of retards with Poke'mon cards glued to their foreheads; and just like that "Immolate" was born. Now here's the story, in fact it's the entire story: a girl hitchhikes to go up one damn street to a party and the guy who picks her up kills her. That's it! End of story, isn't that great kids? Okay go to bed and don't forget the moral of the story! Don't talk to strangers. Now in the time you read the story section of this paragraph it took the filmmakers 2 minutes and 23 seconds to tell that. Now I can understand feature-length films with complex stories, even short films with not so complex stories to tell it, but for fucks sake man! That was way too long to get the point across. These days filmmakers don't have points to get across they just want to shoot disturbing images of men killing women, that's all. I'm just glad that the film didn't drag on any longer than it did or I would have ranted more on how badly I wanted to jump out of my eight story window as punishment for even thinking of watching something as pointless as that. Think of playing a video game, why do you do it? For fun of course, and why do you watch movies? For the entertainment of course!! Now imagine a video game where it wasn't fun, in fact you hate yourself for spending $60 on a game that was so stressful that you have to go to work to relax. That's what "Immolate" is, even though I didn't spend money on it I could have been doing something much more productive than watching that horse shit, like taking pictures of my feet or something. You just don't walk into a movie theatre and expect a bunch of pretty shots put together for 2 hours straight, if this were to be a trailer than a short film then yes this would be an excellent trailer but when the film ended I was asking myself, "That's it?"
The Name: Like I said the murder wasn't sacrificial in any way, and you just read the entire story. In fact watch the movie, there's a link at the bottom of this review, copy and paste cause I'm terrible with HTML. So the murder wasn't sacrificial, so a better name for the film that would make more sense is "Girl Killing" than it's antonym "Burning Sacrifice" It might as well been burning sacrifice, it makes as much sense as a title as "The Cow who Jumped over Evel Knievel" I don't know why I'm running into shorts with terrible names I just am.
Production: Okay, if this is the only thing I like about the film it can't be much else, I mean he got the music and sounds off of myspace. Freaking myspace! The shots were composed very well but it didn't get me as hyped up and excited as Collin B's "Decimation" I mean he had the equipment and the best HD has to offer, the composition and placement was really well. All the shots were pretty, light was superb, but still its a bunch of pretty shots put together with no story whatsoever. I would have been much more hyped and excited to see it if this was a trailer. Then the film could be like "American Psycho" where the story circulates on the murderer and the single murder preformed in the short was only one of the many that this is routine for him, do we get that amazing story in Immolate? Well sulk and turn around because we haven't the slightest clue why this guy is a murderer.
Performance: Eh it was good I guess.
Post: Font. Font font. For having a fiancee who's a talented graphics student; font has been bugging me recently especially in films. Trajan Pro is basically every single movie font thats on the big screen and when you have a certain font on a movie poster and it doesn't appear as the same font on the big screen it will bother me. Now in the case of production names in the beginning of a film if you have "In Association With Douchebag Studios" then it should all appear as one font, not "In Association With Douchbag Studios" but in "Immolate"s case it's worse because they used Helvetica with some distorted font. That's just one thing to rank on. The sound was terrible and as I said earlier the music is from myspace, but its only the good myspace music so I guess this works in a sick and mentally confusing way. Its sort of like Will trying to get recognition on youtube by posting his already good acting abilities on to show off, it doesn't make sense because its non-profit. Lightning Studios should go more professional although I suppose it was for "King Ryan" since he's such a butt sucker. Anyways the constant half second clip of weapons in this mentally disturbed monkey's torture chamber absolutely does not work! I sort of picked up what was going to happen in the name, you don't need to show me what's going to happen, all we need to do is literally wait for 18 more seconds to see that she's going to die. Random clips of impending death does not like 2 minute short films "Ryan the Best Fucking Filmmaker in the Seven Seas"
Watch Immolate here http://www.vimeo.com/2024642
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