Hotel Horror Short Film~

Okay so the first thing I do when I look at a short film is look at the name. If it interests me then I watch it. When I saw the cheesy name "Hotel Horror" I thought to myself "If it's anything like what I have in mind then it's worth the watch." Hotels in general are creepy, hundreds if not thousands of people sleep in the bed that you had, and who knows what could have been going on there. Well actually we do, thats why everyone suggests me to get a room when I offend the rules of PDA with my girlfriend. So I saw the name and thought of zombies, ghosts, and ghouls with guns that shoot lightning bolts and sharp dangerous doses of awesomeness; with the main character, a muscular stud in his 30s with a 5 o'clock shadow, ridding an orange wolf in the halls of the hotel equipped with a gauntlet that shoots samurai swords like Wolverines claws, chopping up anything that gets in his way to some random screaming dame at the top floor in HD. Well of course I didn't get any of that, nothing remotely close. Instead we have a young little plump kid probably 13-14 years of age doing nothing for about 2 whole minutes, pretending that he has the money and the places to go that he must check into a hotel. Oh yeah and did I forget to say? It was shot on a freaking webcam. 

Name: A name like Hotel Horror, I would expect something more, not zombies and ghosts, but something essentially along the lines of the amazing film and book "1408" but no we have a terrible "no reason plot." The director also says that it was supposed to be cheesy, well he did a fine job at that aspect but he loses me at the horror aspect. There was no tension, there was no excitement or drama or whatever you can think of. You'd have a much better time attempting to hammer nails into your head for 6 minutes than watch "Hotel Horror." The name fundamentally does not fit the film. A better name for the film would be something like "I had nothing better to do with my day, so I made a shitty movie on a webcam" Well that or "Someone Jammed Lemon Juice in my Eyes."

Story: So this really doesn't have a story. Let's see here, we have a 13 year old boy checking into a hotel and someone tries to kill him. He then narrowly escapes and kills the masked murderer in a bathrobe. Well that sounds a lot like Black Bart (Or Charles Bolles, if you don't know who he is I suggest you look him up, he's very eccentric, with a bathrobe and a potato sack for a disguise.) Anyways there's a lot of holes in the story. For example, why did he come to the hotel in the first place?Why did he pick up the phone then try to go back to the phone when he was aware of the murderer? Why is the murderer in the bathrobe trying to kill the main character, and how did he get there? How did the murderer get up after he clearly stabbed him to death? I'm sure this kid is trying to act like an adult, and of course 13 year olds check in to hotels without parents regularly. If the quality wasn't shit it was like he took an enlarging ray gun or something and made the shit 100x larger with the story. 

Production: It was done by one person and one person alone. Shooting with a webcam, he set it up and poorly shot each scene with grotesque lighting. He was obviously both characters seeing how they never made a confrontation and both characters sound alike, and the entire film was very still seeing how it was made by a 13 year old while his parents were away.

Performance: One word: Terrible. A monkey with jock-itch could have played a better role. The only good expression that was shown was in the bathroom and he buried his head in his hands, that looked real enough given the situation. But if a real kid was put in that predicament he would cry. When he goes into small one liner "Hello? The phone-lines are dead."  That was about as good as any anime acting. 

Post: Music sucks, color sucks (major, too black and contrast-ee), the cuts are slow and also they suck, everything about the film sucks and these are the types of films I like to review because it doesn't suck just a little I mean everything sucks! And I like to rant about how much time I wasted watching the short film 5 times in order to get a clear understanding of my feelings although one time is enough because it just sucks so hard! I love that nothing is good to say about it, I didn't even like his hairstyle! Honestly the film had no good aspects to it, so there I'm happy because I hope I crushed a young filmmakers spirit. But actually he wanted criticism so I gave it to him, just the way he wanted. It sucked buddy. More than a black hole.